Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
