I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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