Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
