Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do herpes really smell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
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