Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
