if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
