he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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