I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The Olympian is in my bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
