Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
