Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
