insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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