we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The ass gains better be worth it
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