Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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