im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
