Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
