Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
