$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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