So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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