If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Randomize
