my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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