you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
