Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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