Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
