I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
