The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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