I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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