i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
