dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
