I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
