We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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