I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
