you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
