So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
