I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
