And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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