I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
