Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
