he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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