Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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