i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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