i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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