"it" just moved
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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