One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
