its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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