You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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