i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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