you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
