Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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