1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
