I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
